Losing Myself in Romantic Relationships

I’ve always felt utterly and completely alone when I’m single. I often look to others to validate my self worth. Therefore, I think in relationships place too much pressure on the woman, and I end up pushing her away. And then, to make matters worse, I get scared and chase after her, texting/calling more, insinuating that they don’t hang out with me enough and don’t love me enough. This definitely turns them off and makes them want to get away from me. Then, when my relationship turns south, I get really upset with myself. I blame myself for everything and hate who I am and what I’ve done. This is a theme that seems to have followed me in every romantic relationship I pursue.

Having just been dumped by a girl for this exact reason, I realize that I need to change. I desparetely want a good, healthy relationship with a girl I love. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. But, in order to do this, I need to become okay with being alone. I need to learn how to fulfill myself in my single life in order to have a healthy relationship. If I keep looking to others to feel good about myself, I’m going to have a bad time, every time.

I think I need to ask God for help in this. I think I need to accept God into my life more, trust that He knows what is best for me and things happen for a reason. That people may come and go in my life but they all teach me a lesson about myself, and about life. The trouble is, I don’t really know how to ‘feel good about myself’ on my own. This is a bad thing.

You see, I get in romantic relationships, they go pretty good at first, we are both in love and talk to each other every day. I guess you’d call this the ‘honeymoon period’. However, when this ends, I desperately try to bring it back. I use guilt and accuse others of ‘not caring’ when they may just be acting like normal human beings. I am the one at fault.

I’m sorry to those I’ve hurt this way. I know now that this wasn’t the greatest way to deal with my feelings. I guess I need to take this time alone to get used to the idea that I am all I need. Me and God. My relationship with Him and with myself are the two most important ones in my life now, and the should always remain that way.

First, I would like to thank God for everything in my life. I am exceedingly lucky to have everything that I have. I have been granted with many gifts from you, and I appreciate that. I also know that you have looked out for me more times than I can count, and for that I am thankful

I ask of you God, please help me find a way to increase my self esteem, to be able to emotionally rely on myself. Please help me become closer to You and keep you close to my heart. Please help me use your wisdom in situations that may be difficult. I truly want to better myself in the hopes that I find a nice girl and settle down and have a family.

Here’s to finding myself, becoming okay with being alone, finding God in my life, and spreading my love and joy with others. Thank you.